The one where I actually bothered to go to the doctors...

It wasn't a chest infection, merely an extremely severe cold that caused me to pull abdominal muscles from all of the coughing and had me incapacitated for about a fortnight. So, yeah, it was a really bad cold.
Christmas has  been an gone, and I can't say I'm not a little relieved. Christmas has this nasty habit of being far more work than it's worth, even if we did manage to avoid the drama and histrionics this year.
I've gotten all of my work in now, save for what's due in mid January, and I only have a couple of exams this year so at least I can have a little bit of a break over the holidays rather than spending the whole thing revising. Which is good, because I only just recovered from the previously mentioned cold in time to actually get all of my work in, which has just about finished me off, and I'm about to take on a pretty big project which I'm sure that I will regret and which I'm about to tell you about.
You see, starting on the first of January I plan to write a 100 word drabble every day for the entire year. Yes, that's write, EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.
Now, I know I have a habit of not following things through (I still don't know a single word of Russian besides yes and no) so that's why this is such a big thing. By putting this on the internet, it will be clear to everybody if I give up after a couple of weeks. I'm kind of hoping that will motivate me to keep at it and not fail miserably.
I've opted to call the whole thing "The Acellevin Project", as Acellevin is the name of the invented fantasy land where most of these stories will inevitably be set. I will be uploading the stories onto this blog here: http://theacellevinproject.blogspot.co.uk/ and also onto a tumblr I've created just for this purpose, if I can figure out how the whole thing works, which is at: http://theacellevinproject.tumblr.com/
While I won't make any promises that this will actually go to plan, I can say I will do my best, or, in the very least, do my best for the first few weeks. Mostly I'm just hoping this won't quite be a complete and total disaster.

And, honestly, I've no idea why I even do these things, because, let's face it, there's no way anybody is actually reading this.

A Very Overdue Update

Well, I've been mostly absent on the webs for some time now. I suppose I should probably give you all some updates, hmm?
Well, where to start? I, astoundingly, didn't fail first year, so now I'm a second year university student. I'm probably going to fail this year, but oh well.
I'm also now "Officially" out of the closet as transgendered, though I'm not making a point of making it clear to everyone I meet. I made all of the necessary big steps: telling parents, setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist (not quite as awful as I was expecting), changing my name on facebook - yes, that is a big step, for those of us the appropriate age to be dependent on the interwebs, anyway.
I'm off campus this year, so now I have to pay monthly rent - really starting to feel like a grown-up now. Travel into university is a pain in the arse, but it's much quieter than being in halls.
I also somehow ended up with a twitter account, which is something I mock everybody else for having. I use it more than I would like to admit, mostly during all-nighters or while I'm on the bus.
Other than that, nothing much really has changed. This is still dull and monotonous, I've still nothing interesting to post. I'm still a shoddy writer, as shoddy musician, a shoddy fencer/archer/quidditch-player-person, I'm an exceptionally shoddy student and I'm not too good an artist either. But I suppose you learn to just accept these things and move on.

Also, I've recently come down with what is either an exceptionally severe cold or a chest infection, for which I'm actually going to go to the doctor's for once. Seriously, nothing's changed, and I've nothing new to tell you about.
Who even reads this thing, anyway?

What I meant to post during summer

Well, this has been a hectic couple of weeks - okay, make that months, and I should really update more frequently. I finished those masks, and after I get the paint touched up in a couple of places that were chipped in transport, I'll upload some photos for you at some point.
In other news, I'm pretty sure that I've officially failed first year, and while I usually do badly despite having worked extremely hard - or, rather, that's how things used to go - this year I have entirely brought it upon myself. Honestly, I'm not even sure what's happened. I used to be extremely hard working and ambitious, with a pretty strong moral code to boot.
Now? Well, my ambitions are still to join the armed forces, but as a rate rather than an officer, which is still a respectable plan but not quite as ambitious.
I also no longer work that hard, having lost interest in... well... pretty much everything, really. I think I may have just given up at life. Honestly, I've been losing this game for a while now, and admittedly I'm beginning to wonder what the point is.
I'm back home over the summer and now need to find something to entertain myself with. I don't see it going to well, if I'm honest. I still don't have the motivation to really do anything with myself, and I've been ill. I spent some time in the west midlands, and now am down in the west country, so you might actually get some photos
I could rant about multiple different things, too, but I couldn't be bothered to do that when they happened and I can't be bothered to now.

And, in other random news, I at least had an excuse to go out and get drunk the last couple of weeks of uni. We had the SU society awards, which was conveniently a masked ball (yes, I did wear one of the home made masks, I'll let you know which when I upload the photos), and Quidditch won an award for something but I can't quite remember what. I didn't get too drunk, though, because I was ill.
Then, the Rock Society had their end of year festival/12-hour piss-up thing, and the Pagan society were there doing card readings. That was fun, but again, I was ill, and ended up going home early, and didn't get even slightly drunk.
So, yeah, I hate being ill.


EDIT: Holy shit I meant to post this near the end of the summer, forgot, it's just been sitting in my drafts and it's now almost time for the obligatory Christmas rant... Well shit...

Because I'm procrastinating

Can you tell I have work to do? I got a deadline date mixed up with an exam date, and didn't realise until a deadline date had passed, and haven't done an essay because I thought I had another month to do it in. I have a couple more days to get it done just to get a 40, which is the bare minimum pass mark. Yeah, this isn't going to go well.
I am simultaneously panicking and slacking off.

(Well, this was supposed to be uploaded a couple of weeks ago, but I recall the take-away got delivered and I forgot about it. Story of my life, that)

A Work of Art

So, since this is supposed to be a writing blog, but I don't really seem to be getting much writing done, I'm going to start posting pictures of art projects, too. I actually have on in progress right now, too. Well, slow progress, but you really shouldn't be so surprised by that.
I picked up some plain white masks and other supplies from The Works some weeks ago, and slowly but surely have been decorating them. So I will likely put up some photos when they're finished, since I can't actually remember the password for my Deviant Art account to put photos there.
Because, really, on the off chance that anyone actually does read this you probably want to shut up and do something interesting by now.

More Photos

I meant ti upload these pictures a couple months ago now. Goes to show just how hopeless I am, really.

This:

I what I get to see walking to class when it snow here.
Let me just reiterate that:

So this place does have some good points, then, if we just ignore that this is apparently enough to stop the buses from running. So, snow in April aside, I did get to see some pretty nice views. And it seemed even the pheasant was enjoying our late winter.

I don't know whether or not pheasants hibernate (you don't exactly get them in the towns) but if they do I fancy the messed-up weather we've been having has probably wreaked havoc on his sleep cycle. I rather like having the pheasant around, though, since seeing if he's out gives me something to look forward to. I know that makes it sound like my life is empty and pointless, and well... mostly, it's just dull. Nothing much ever really happens to me and the pheasant is still something of a novelty for me.
That's why I take so many pictures of him.

And, really, I'm not doing myself any favors in the 'not-looking-pathetic' department right now, but, meh. I can live with that.

Off To The Ball

I attended the AU summer ball a few days ago. Now, the first thing that needs to be said here is that it was snowing... snowing... at the SUMMER ball...
What the fuck England?
Seriously, I don't know what goes on with our weather.

Anyhow, my attendance at the ball... It's called a ball, but just to get this cleared up it's basically like a school prom crossed with an awards ceremony and you get to drink... you REALLY get to drink.
Now, I made the mistake of deciding that I'd do a week of non-drinking that week and forgot that it was the ball... needless to say my declaration of non-drinking didn't last very long. I got through an entire pitcher of some fruity cocktail before they'd even served the starter... and another by the time I'd finished pudding... I was pretty far gone by that point, mind, and I'd not even done pre-drinks, so I stuck to WKD for the rest of the night. I still managed to be one of the most sober people there.

So, truth be told there weren't many zany antics. Okay, I was with archery and we were sat right next to men's rugby, and damn you could tell they were wasted. I think most of them probably left fairly early, mind, but you could hear them all of the way through the meal.
The archery folks didn't drink too much, but there were a couple the looked like they were about to fall over...
And one of my blockmates was so drunk she fell asleep at the table fairly late into the night... I drew on her face with eyeliner... and took a photo, which will be going up on facebook when I get around to it...
We somehow ended up playing pass-the-pirate-hat, which really seems to happen just about any time I where a hat anywhere... My outfit, despite being one of the least formal that could be let in (I was wearing a pirate hat, for Pete's sake) actually went down pretty well. So that was nice. I'm generally not bothered with clothes and things, but I have my moments of dandyism and as a self-proclaimed prince-charming-in-training it's of the utmost importance that I look spiffing at the ball... and I did not seriously just say that. Dear lord, should I ever graduate from this fairytale prince academy I seem to have enlisted myself in I shall shake in fear of whatever shall become of the world...

Archery Update

So, I still suck at archery (and also fencing and quidditch and just about everything else, mind) but I've grown to accept that. But that's not what this update is about. No, this update is about just how easily amused I am.
Earlier in the week, one of the lads let another fresher (actually not myself) use his arrows. His £10 a piece arrows. I think we can guess where this is going...

You have no idea how glad I am that that wasn't mine (nor my doing).


Even more easily amused am I, I got one of my own arrows stuck in the boss, and it took a fair it it out with it when I finally got it out. Now, this isn't an uncommon occurrence, because really layers of foam sheets aren't the sturdiest of materials, but it's actually the first time this has happened to me. Besides, I kind of like having proof that I can hit the target instead of the wall.

And, just to make this whole thing rather awkward and uncomfortable, I got a lift back to dorms from archery and it turns out one of the girls there lived in my room last year... and promptly informed me that she'd had sex in my bed...
Now, I wasn't so naive as to think such things hadn't happened in the bed that I now sleep in, but I was trying really hard to pretend I was, and doing a fairly good job of it until now. Well, there goes my denial :\

Note: Forgot to press post, silly me, and I have a backlog of post to get up now :p

Baby Steps

So, I've through my various internet profiles and begun making changes. Nothing big, just changing the gendered pronouns over. It's not that big a step, if I'm honest, and to anybody else they probably haven't even noticed.
But it feels much bigger.
I've been to see the GP, too, which is a much bigger step, and I'm waiting for a referral to a gender clinic. That's a really big step. It's a huge, huge step. It's like a giant leap, and for all my seeming need to constantly keep moving, I don't do giant leaps. I can do baby steps, they're easy. I can do baby steps because I know exactly where I'm putting my feet, but bigger steps and it becomes harder to know where you're going to land. I don't like not being the one in control, and I don't like not being the one with the power, which right now I'm not. I go the the gender specialist when I get my referral and things start moving out of my hands, and I don't like that.
I probably wouldn't be writing any of this if I thought more than a couple of people would ever read it. I don't like looking weak, and even I will have to begrudgingly admit I look pretty weak right now, but I guess it's just one of those things. By this point, things really are moving out of my control, even if it's really only just a little, and I guess I'm going to have to to accept that and take that as it comes. I won't lie, I don't like that, but I can give up a little bit of control for this. It'll all be worth it in the end, I'm sure.

Three day post

I couldn't open the Lambrini bottle, so I had to open it with my teeth. I strained my jaw, and that's going to be wonderful to try and explain in the morning. What a brilliant start to my night.

I seem to be starting a new project. Specifically, an actually serious attempt at an urban fantasy, rather than my more typical everything-I-write-is-a-piss-take approach. This is going to end badly, I'm sure. I'll just drink through the whole things and add little bits

Well, so much for that. I hit a wall pretty quick. I don't really do serious writing.

Have decided to take a nap, and it's now the next day. I wasn't kidding when I said I don't do serious writing.

have now been to bother the poor creative writing folks (all three that were there, anyway. Most of us have better things to do on a Saturday), having gotten a great whopping one chapter to show them. I think I'm beginning to remember why all of my writing is piss-takes again. I do not do serious.

Been a few more hours, nothing has been done, and I somehow managed to spill alcohol on my bed :(

Okay, this entry has so far spanned a total of three days. Over those three days, I've gotten no writing and no work done. I should probably do something with myself at some point...
And drink less. I really need to drink less.

You Know You're a Student When... (part 2)

... You've even given up on cooking instant noodles now, and are living on nothing but chocolate biscuits and cheap alcohol.
... You hand your essays in whilst trying to hide that you're so drunk you can barely walk straight, despite the fact that it's not even midday (wait, or should that have gone on 'You know you're an alcoholic when...')
... A worrying number of clubs that you've joined have degraded into nothing more than 'Get Drunk and Tell Dick Jokes' societies.
... That last one doesn't bother you at all.
... People actually approve of your developing alcoholism.
... You find you've spent too much money on alcohol and junk food and have to choose between budgeting (and staying sober) until your next student finance payment or swallow your pride and run to Daddy... and then remember that Daddy's also poor so there isn't really any choice, and have to try and remember how to not drink.

You Know You're an Alcoholic When... (part 2)

... You want to leave the bar despite not having finished your drink, and rather than waste alcohol you pour what's left into an empty water bottle.
... You take said alcohol-filled water bottle to creative writing club with you, but only because you didn't have a lecture to drink it in that morning.
... You've killed enough brain cell that you forget which painkillers you'll be allergic to in the morning.
... You get excited when the shop has a different flavour of Lambrini in.
... You actually drink Lambrini.

The Return of the Pheasant

So, this is what I saw the other day while walking back to dorms from a lecture.

No, seriously. There is an honest to God fucking Pheasant here.

Look at it. It's a pheasant. What the fuck?

Now, I must admit, I'm kinda wondering how nobody here has come up with the bright idea of taking it home and roasting it, because I have to say as a poor student living off instant noodles the thought does have its appeal, but clearly the pheasant is doing okay because I saw it in exactly the same place as it was last time. Maybe I'm not the only one who's scared of what the vegan society would do to me if I roasted it? Or maybe, you know, it's actually kinda cool, in its own, weird way, and I wouldn't really hurt an innocent pheasant.

No, but seriously, what the fuck?

More Procrastinating.

I've an essay due in tomorrow.
My fencing comp is this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have anthology and journal submissions that I was going to work on.
I am procrastinating like hell.

No, really, I've an essay due TOMORROW and so far I have nothing but a vague outline of the structure and a few hundred words, plus a couple overdue library books on my bedroom floor that will be needed for it. It's not even 2 o'clock and I think I may actually declare it drinking time, because really there's no way that I'm getting this essay done sober.


Okay, it's now eighteen hours later. Past 10am. I've not drunk that much, to be fair. About one and a half bottles of WKD, which doesn't even count as alcohol, and some cider, some rum. Probably some vodka, too, I wasn't really paying attention. If anything, it was all the sugar that was the bad idea. I actually feel kinda ill. Too many skittles.
And I'm still not finished. I mean, I only have a couple hundred more words, but seriously, it's due in under two hours, I need to stop fucking procrastinating.

Finished about 11am, got the essay in on  time. It's now about half four, and I've no excuse now not to get off my lazy behind and tidy my room, since the essay is done. Right when I sober up a little. I should probably have stopped drinking after I finished the essay.
And I should probably hit publish at some point, too, rather than just keep adding to this for the rest of the day, though that could be rather interesting.

Leftover Chinese Food

Okay, so, absolutely fuck all has happened here. Seriously, if this place got any more boring I might actually die.
I've got some volunteer work, mind, which gives me something to do. It also means that I get to come home at three o'clock Saturday morning and find a blown-up condom hanging from the ceiling. No, I do not want to know about that one.
Seriously, they drew a smiley face on it and everything.


I'm supposed to be working on a script right now, since the deadline to be able to get our drama society to perform it is tonight, but I'm procrastinating big time. I'm currently eating leftover Chinese from last night, since uni seems to have killed my ability to actually eat a full meal at once and so I eat leftovers almost as often as I eat non-leftovers, and updating the blog I never bother with. But at least I got a reference to writing in this blog. Now it sounds like I actually do some.

And, in some really unrelated to this in any way news, I have a fencing comp and the AU ball coming up in a few months, so I might be able to legitimately call myself an athlete at some point. And I've even spent money (something which I certainly do not have) on my own bow. Now if only I weren't so damn fat, I might be able to pretend to you all that I'm cool.

Bah fucking Humbug and some New Years Resolutions

Okay, so, Christmas was like every other Christmas, I guess. Some relatives I wanted to murder, some relatives I didn't want to murder, fuck all good on TV... Not helping with the whole 'murder' thing there, TV.
I've never been much of a Christmas person, and being forced to pretend to be happy when visiting relatives I'd prefer not to be visiting is not quite my favourite activity.
Figured I'd try coming out to my Mom, since I wanted to tell her in person rather than over the phone... It Did Not Go Well. I mean, usually my family's pretty liberal, but fuck... My Dad was told over the phone, some time ago, so he's already cool with it, my Step-Mom took the piss, which is pretty much just her standard reaction to everything, and I think the parrot was trying to be supportive, which is unusual, because he normally just takes the piss... he's very much my Step-Mom's parrot.
As always, there was little to do over Christmas, and I got fuck all revision done, which I'm paying for now.

I'm back at uni, doing exams, and for once I actually deserve to fail for the amount of effort I've put in. I mean, usually I work myself half to death on school stuff... I think I've just given up caring. In my defence, caring IS a finite resource.
I've also changed one of my subjects, so one of my Exams doesn't really matter anyway. Which is good, because I didn't read one of the plays, only read half of the other one (needless to say, I didn't do my essays on those) and only decided which poems to use the night before. And English has always been the subject I've worked hardest at.

Okay, so onto some New Years resolutions. I don't normally bother with them, since I never see them through anyway - but then, that's the problem, now isn't it? So, this year, I'm going to follow something through. I'm going to make what will likely be my third failed attempt at learning a language - I've went and bought myself a 'teach yourself Russian' book and CD set, and I want to at least be able to say "Where in fuck's name is the bathroom?" by the end of the year. Whatever project I start in terms of writing, I want to still be at it (or finished with it, though that's not likely) by the end of the year, rather than starting a new project every month and always getting bored of them.

And, I want to update this thing regularly. Also, this was started as A FUCKING WRITING BLOG, yet I'm getting no writing done to talk about. I would say I'm going to stop procrastinating, but that may clash with the whole updating regularly thing.

Why do all of my songs make me sound like a danger to myself and others?

This was supposed to be a writer's blog, so I'm going to talk about writing today. Well, of a sorts, anyway.
I've been going through some of my old song lyrics that I'd written when I was younger. I mean, okay, I know I did the whole 'emo teen' thing, but fuck they weren't half depressing. I mean, seriously, I think old me needed a cookie and some Prozac. 
Funnily enough, most of them were thinly veiled insults directed at people I still like to slag off in my writing. I think I've just gotten more creative about it.
I'm going to be going back to some old projects and see about finishing them off or improving them. I don't fancy it'll end well, but hey, it's always worth a shot.

(Edit: This should have been uploaded a while back. Bad me, I know)